Nakeithan was my 3rd child.. My girls were 11 and 8 when he arrived. We had so many losses in our family on birthdays we prayed for him not to be born on anyones death date, birthday, ex anniversarys.. So we got our wish. On March 6th, 2010 I was giving a 9lb 8oz blonde hair, blue eyed angel. He stole the show instantly. His sister were so excited for his arrival, they video taped his every move, the hospital room, even the hall way to the room! My mom had came from Wv to stay a few weeks to wait for him to come play. Yet, the poor thing was so nervous when I went into labor, I had to drive us to the hospital! Stopping on the off ramps to have contractions! The day we brought him home was no different. She ran over my mail box on her way to pick us up, in my NEW car! So, I decided best if I drove us home! Tera my 8 year old was head over heels in love. She bathed him, changed him, lotioned him, every chance she could. My boyfriend would say "you can't let her just have her way with him" and I'd tell him " he has to be tough, he has 2 sisters to keep up with". As, I watched very close her momma hen skills! It had been so long, I forgot to boil water, take bottles with us, and really didn't remember taking a extra hour to get ready just to run to the store. It never failed he would mess his diaper or spit up just as we were walking out the door. I finally got back into the routine after a few days.. Maybe a week! He was a pleasure! Never cried, always content. He ate a lot tho. His two week check up he was up to 12lbs! He didn't slow down either, 6 weeks he was 15 lbs! Newborn clothes didn't even get off the hangers! On Sierras 12 bday I had come in from work at 2am, got his bed ready and we spent about 30 mins playing. I laid him down as he was sucking on his hands, I thought he will be up in a min to eat. So, I went to my room just to rest my head a minute. I woke at 8am and KNEW something was wrong, I ran across the hall to his room, and found myself in the worst nightmare ever. When, I got his bed ready earlier, I had laid his pillow on a dresser beside the bed, cause I didn't like it in his crib. It was his second night alone and I was so nervous. As I entered his room and looked down at him, the pillow was laying on top of him!! I threw the pillow off and instantly knew he was no longer breathing. I ran him into the bedroom to his Dad, screaming. I called 911 while his Dad done CPR. I was telling the man he was gone. His body had already became stiff and cold. That moment I saw him is a vision I can not erase! They were here very fast. I sat down in the hallway to give them room to work. A man came to me, helped me up, put my shoes on me and put me in the car. I prayed and screamed for God to give him one more breathe, one chance! We sat in that little room waiting. But, I already knew what was coming! I didn't wanna believe this was happening. The chaplin came in and all I heard was blah blah blah. As, he sat there he kept humming. I was so focused on trying not to scream SHUT-Up! The Doctor came in and confirmed I wasn't dreaming. My son had died. He said we could go see him if we wanted to. It took no thought. I entered the room and couldn't speak, cry and don't remember breathing. His Dad held him and rocked him, all I could do was just stare. I did kiss his head then ran out of the room! The next few days I don't remember. My mom came from Wv so fast. Family and friends were everywhere. I just wanted my baby. We had two services for him. One here in Nc for our friends and 3 days later one in Wv for my family. We came back to Nc the next day and I went back to work the following day. I tried to just go on. I went to soccer games and work, like I did everyday. Only to reach one month in a blink of a eye. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't crying a lot, why wasn't I in bed, something just took over my body. Month 2 was not like that. I couldn't think, I couldn't eat, I forgot to sleep. I found myself not the same no matter what I did. Now its been almost 9 months and I have no idea how the time has went so fast. Everything has changed. The humming Chaplin became my Grief Share Chapters Leader and has helped me in so many ways. I miss him everyday, every second.. In 7 weeks he changed me forever.. I know I will never be the same, all the aftermath is overwhelming most days, but I'd do it all over again, for one more day with him. My vision is different now, the smallest things have become the biggest things. I know that there's a reason for every breath that angel took. I know he is looking down, I want him to be proud of me! I want him to know, my best is weak, but for now its MY BEST! I've found poetry to be so helpful, I actually wrote a poem for him. I am so proud of it to... I loved you all those days, I loved you so many ways. In the morning and at night, You were my lil man delight. The smell of skin, the shine of your hair, We'd wash and brush it full of care. Your cute smile and beautiful face, Always has a special place. Your bed is empty, my heart is broken, So many words left unspoken. The what ifs, wonder why's, Could fill up the midnight sky. How do I go on without you, Keeping faith Ill see you soon. No matter how long it takes, Mommy will try hard for your sisters sakes. Not a minute nor a hour, I don't miss my lil flower. Now in Jesus's arms, And forever in my heart, Until we meet again, Your memory, I will never part! For my son.. Nakeithan! Some great advice I got.. "When its to hard to stand,Kneel"! "When day by day is too hard, go hour by hour, minute by minute." "Its ok, your not crazy"!! (Haha) "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" Nakeithan Scott forever tattooed in my heart!!